Finding Forgiveness with Internal Family Systems Therapy

Why Forgiveness Is Difficult

Many people want to forgive but find it nearly impossible. Old hurts may still feel raw, and inner parts may hold resentment or fear as a form of protection. Forgiveness can seem like letting someone “off the hook,” which feels unsafe or unfair. Yet holding onto anger often hurts the individual more than anyone else.

How IFS Approaches Forgiveness

IFS views forgiveness as an internal process, not something that requires reconciling with the person who caused harm. In therapy, clients meet the parts of themselves that hold anger, grief, or betrayal. These parts are acknowledged and honored for the protective roles they have played. As healing occurs, the intensity of these burdens begins to ease, creating space for forgiveness to emerge naturally.

Releasing the Burden of Resentment

Resentment often functions like armor—it protects against vulnerability but also weighs heavily. Through IFS, individuals learn to release resentment without denying the reality of harm. This shift allows for greater emotional freedom, reducing stress and opening the door to healthier relationships.

Forgiveness as Self-Compassion

True forgiveness in IFS is less about the other person and more about healing oneself. Clients learn to approach their wounded parts with compassion, validating their pain and helping them let go of the burdens they carry. Forgiveness becomes a gift of peace to oneself, not a concession to others.

Moving Forward with Freedom

When forgiveness arises from Self-leadership, it creates space for resilience, joy, and healthier connections. Clients no longer feel tethered to the pain of the past but can move forward with greater clarity and strength.

Call to Action
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Peer-Reviewed References

• Schwartz, R. C., & Sweezy, M. (2020). Internal Family Systems Therapy (2nd ed.). Guilford Press.

• Wade, N. G., Hoyt, W. T., Kidwell, J. E., & Worthington, E. L. (2014). Efficacy of psychotherapeutic interventions to promote forgiveness: A meta-analysis. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 82(1), 154–170.

• Freedman, S. R., & Zarifkar, T. (2016). The psychology of forgiveness: Implications for psychotherapy. American Journal of Psychotherapy, 70(1), 5–33.